There are some films you remember because they challenged your preconceptions, played with genre conventions, and left you re-examining your own humanity. And then there are some films you remember because your drunkenly told your drunk friends, “Hey, that looks horrible, let’s watch it!” as you scrolled through Netflix on a lazy Saturday night. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is the latter, but was inexplicably presented as the former. It’s not odd that the Hollywood of 2013 decided the classic children’s fable needed buckets of gore, interminable lore dumps, a hard rock soundtrack, and cheap sex. What’s unusual is that...