Saturday Night Live opens onboard the newly returned USS Lincoln. Even after a record 322 days at sea, the soldiers’ suffering isn’t over, as they’re made a captive audience to “the man who put you on the boat in the first place”, secretary of war Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost). Wearing an ammunition belt made of Fireball cinnamon whiskey, he welcomes the crew back to San Diego, “which the president just asked Iran to blow up”. He briefs them on the recent goings-on on dry land (“in case you want to go back to sea”), including a promised live-streamed execution in...